i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
