I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Randomize
