It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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