I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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