i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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