I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
