if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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