he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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