Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize