Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
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