He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
