I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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