oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
