hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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