i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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