He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
third nipple confirmed
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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