i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
