I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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