my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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