I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Randomize
