My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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