I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize