the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Randomize
