My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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