Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Drake has all the answers
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
