So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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