ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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