this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Is her dick bigger than yours?
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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