Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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