peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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