so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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