dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
