if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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