I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
im about as happy as oj after his trial
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
