I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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