Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I'm sobbing to NWA
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
