I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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