On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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