And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
