I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
