2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I would fuck him just for his dog
Randomize
