Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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