look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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