So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Randomize
