finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
