Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
