Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
