dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
