That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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