I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I need to stop coming to work sober
So gin and wine won't be happening again
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
