I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
