I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
they're like a gay fantastic four
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
