haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
